


When the Party's over

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [43]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Pain, just lots of pain and hurt tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: Nikolai still looked unbothered, her words failing their mark once more. His calmness made it even worse. He didn’t even care enough to react. He didn’t even care enough to explain himself to her. “I thought we were a team,” Zoya added under her breath, despising herself for the weakness. For even saying those words out loud. For even bothering. Apparently he didn’t return the sentiment.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: One Shots [43]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/594364
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	When the Party's over

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this prompt](https://twitter.com/emscvrstairs/status/1285952131372060677?s=21) I saw on twitter.

“Have you lost your mind?” Zoya slammed the door to the war room shut behind herself, resting her hands on her hips when she faced Nikolai. “The Shu princess tried to assassinate you and you reward her with an engagement?” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t like, no more than she had liked the hurt when Nikolai had announced the engagement.  _ Why hadn’t he told her?  _

They hadn’t spoken much since returning from the fold, both being busy, Zoya occupied with thoughts about the Darking, and yet… She had trusted that they would make these decisions together. That he would ask for her advice. Like he always had. Perhaps that was why she was hurt, and not because she was about to lose him to another woman. 

Nikolai was glaring at her now, his expression so calm that she hated him a little. “One day you might come to trust my plans, Nazyalensky,” he remarked, his voice having the same teasing sound as usual. Did he really think that nothing had changed between them? 

To Zoya, it felt like the entire universe had shifted. 

“Then explain,” she demanded. She lifted her chin, meeting his eyes. New pain flared up in her chest. Nikolai, with a ring on his finger. Nikolai, kissing the Shu girl’s hand. She lowered her gaze too quickly, giving herself away. 

His eyes were still resting on her, almost burning. “A marriage is the only way to ally with the Shu. If Fjerda attacks, we will need their aid.” 

Zoya clenched her jaw almost painfully. She looked up again, forcing herself to remain calm. No matter how the dragon inside her roared, or how her power tugged at her fingertips. A storm begging to be unleashed. “The girl tried to kill you.” 

Nikolai brushed the concern away with a wave of his hand. “A small obstacle.” 

Zoya had come to appreciate Nikolai’s optimism during the time she had worked with him, but right now it only fueled her anger. “Isaak’s death is no small obstacle,” she snapped, more harsh than intended. She didn’t miss Nikolai’s flinch, or the shadow passing over his face. But she also couldn’t forget Isaak’s dying body lying on the floor, looking so much like her king. 

“That’s not what I meant to say,” Nikolai replied quietly, voice suddenly more guarded. He was regarding her with a thoughtful glance. “You were the one who suggested I marry her in the first place,” he added, the weariness gone within a heartbeat. He was so good at playacting. 

Zoya huffed, turning away to hide her face from him. She was afraid he might read the emotions right off her face. “And you said you didn’t want a wife,” she replied, careful to keep her voice even. To betray no weakness. Not even with him could she be honest. 

Nikolai released a joyless laugh. “It’s like we swapped places, Nazyalensky.” He hesitated for the briefest moment. “What has the girl done that you despise her so much?” 

Zoya remained silent, keeping her gaze pinned to the wall ahead of her. “Plot a murder. Plan to overthrow our kingdom.”  _ Try to steal my king’s heart.  _ “What has she done that you suddenly think so highly of her?” she returned the question. 

Nikolai shifted, a swift movement in the corner of her eyes. “She has shown remarkable cleverness. She’s well-loved by the Shu. A royal. The perfect candidate for a queen.” 

Zoya felt each of the words burn like ice in her heart, and yet she didn’t move a muscle. She kept her gaze straight ahead, ignoring the prickle of tears behind her eyelids. Yes, the girl was all Zoya could never hope to be. Royal, popular, easy to love. All the qualities a queen needed, and everything Nikolai was looking for. She had known that ever since Alina. 

Then why did it hurt so much? 

“Besides, she has the obvious advantage that marrying her comes with an army,” Nikolai added, and she wasn’t sure if he meant it or only meant to be comforting. 

Either way, she wasn’t having it. Zoya turned, the pain burning away by new anger. “You didn’t tell me,” she hissed, the words leaving her lips before she realized the meaning. “Any of us,” she was quick to add. “The triumvirate is involved in such decisions!” 

Nikolai still looked unbothered, her words failing their mark once more. His calmness made it even worse. He didn’t even care enough to react. He didn’t even care enough to explain himself to her. 

“I thought we were a team,” Zoya added under her breath, despising herself for the weakness. For even saying those words out loud. For even bothering. Apparently he didn’t return the sentiment. 

There was a flicker of confusion in Nikolai’s eyes. “There was no time to hold a meeting with the Triumvirate,” he replied, and this time his voice was unusually on edge. 

Zoya almost smiled at that, despite the hollow in her soul. She had managed to rile him up. She didn’t care if he screamed at her, stripped her of her titles, and threw her in the dungeons, but she couldn’t live with this indifference between them. She didn’t stand to see his coldness on his face. “I’m sure you were too busy planning out your future marriage,” she replied, and this time she didn’t conceal the edge in her voice. 

Nikolai clenched his jaw, and she saw the warning in his eyes. One step further and she would be in dangerous territory. 

Zoya didn’t care. She wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her. “Is Isaak’s death worth this little to you?” She didn’t look away from his burning gaze, couldn’t have even if she had wanted to. “What are you going to tell his mother when you write to her?” 

Nikolai took a step towards her, almost threatening. “Careful, Nazyalensky.” His voice was very quiet, and yet she didn’t miss the implication. Stop now before it was too late. 

She didn’t care anymore.

“Are you going to tell her that you caught the woman who plotted to murder her son, and then rewarded her by making her your queen?” 

This time, Nikolai’s patience snapped. He seized her wrist, pulling her against him so suddenly that she dared to lose her balance. 

And yet she couldn’t look away. Zoya stared up into his hazel eyes, now burning with wrath - almost hatred, perhaps - and she felt an odd satisfaction at the thought of evoking such emotions in him. For hatred was sometimes the strongest kind of love. 

“This is not your decision to make,” Nikolai hissed under his breath, and through all the years Zoya was certain that she had never quite pushed him this far. “I am your king, and you’re forgetting your place.” 

_ Her place.  _ Zoya felt the storm tugging at her fingers, crying out to be unleashed, to turn this very room to shreds. “I’m not yours to order around.” 

Nikolai’s eyes flashed once, the anger dissolving into something else. Coldness. Indifference.  _ Detachment.  _ “Then perhaps it is time I look for a new general,” he said, and each word seemed aimed right at Zoya’s heart. “One who is actually useful to me.” He dropped her wrist then, but Zoya was too frozen to move. 

She meant to scream at him, to raise her hands and call the storm, but she was unable to move. Instead, she only stared at him, scanning his face, looking for a hint of forgiveness, some sign that he hadn’t meant what he had just said. 

But Nikolai’s retribution was far from over. “But soon I will have a queen to advise me, won’t I,” he said, and this time she knew that he meant every word. 

Zoya felt her hands trembling when she stared at him, unable to turn her eyes away. Tears prickled behind her lids. She wasn’t sure if it was due to anger or her heart breaking, but perhaps a little bit of both. She really was so stupid. 

She had trusted that he would be different, that perhaps one day, she could stop being afraid around Nikolai. Let her guard down. He had just shown her the opposite. 

“I’m sure your queen will be a wise advisor,” Zoya said, and her voice was sharp as a razor blade. She wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears much longer, but no matter how much of her pride she had lost here today, she would not let him see her cry. She was above that in every way. “I think you both deserve each other.” 

She couldn’t grasp the emotion on his face this time, but she also didn’t care. 

Zoya fled the room before she could make another mistake, before she could allow herself to be weak once more. 

Before she could realize what the two of them had just destroyed. 


End file.
